My Simple 3-Step Method to Find Your Personal Style

What would I tell my younger self if I could go back? Here’s the three-step method I wish someone had given me.

My Simple 3-Step Method to Find Your Personal Style

Step 1: Understand Your Personal Constraints

I know this sounds boring compared to “find your aesthetic” or “discover your style icons,” but hear me out. This is actually the foundation that makes everything else work.

Now that I’m in my late thirties, I understand my practical constraints almost instinctively. When something crosses my radar that doesn’t fit them, I can immediately say “that won’t work for me because of X” and move on. But in my early twenties? I dove in headfirst without ever making this list. The impetuousness of youth, perhaps.

Let me get vulnerable here: I’m a sweaty person. I can’t believe I’m launching with this, but it’s genuinely the best example. I cannot wear tops that show sweat – any color that changes visibly when it gets wet. A sage green t-shirt? Drop of water and you see it immediately. White t-shirt? Invisible. I learned this the hard way by repeatedly buying things, wearing them, then keeping my arms pinned to my sides all day. It took me until my mid-twenties to just stop buying anything that could give me that problem.

Other constraints to consider: Temperature sensitivity (I run cold, so I buy warmer fabrics). Body type (I’m 5’9″ with hip dips, so certain skirt lengths and clingy dresses are off the table). Lifestyle (what percentage of your time requires casual vs. professional clothing?).

Cleaning willingness (if you only ever throw things in the washer and dryer, everything you own should survive that – I once bought a small professional wardrobe without thinking about this and nearly fainted at the $75 dry cleaning bill).

Climate (especially for shoes – if you walk everywhere or deal with snow, your practical footwear needs to be built into your style, not fighting against it). And comfort tolerance (some people don’t mind being bound and waistbanded; I want to feel comfortable as much as I want to look good).

Write this list down. Clarify it clearly. It will save you so much time and money.

Step 2: Gather Inspiration Concretely

As someone sensitive to aesthetics, I was always gathering inspiration – but I was doing it in a haphazard, subconscious way. I’d see things and think “I like that” and vaguely file it away. Worse, I’d let shopping itself feed me inspiration, which meant I was being led down paths by what stores happened to be selling rather than what I actually wanted.

What I wish I’d done: gather inspiration somewhere concrete and separate from shopping. Pinterest is great. Instagram’s save function works. Screenshots in a folder. Whatever method you choose, make it tangible.

Here’s why this matters. When you’re saving things concretely, you can step back and compare them to your constraints list. “Oh, I keep saving silk camisoles, but I want everything to go in the dryer. Even though silk appeals to me, it’s not practical for my actual life.”

And here’s something I desperately wish someone had told younger me: you don’t have to incorporate everything you like. So many things will light you up and make you think “there’s something special about that” – way more than you need in your personal style. That’s what personal style IS. It’s picking and choosing. It’s sculpting. By nature, sculpting excludes things.

I’ve ended up excluding lots of things I genuinely love, things I think are wonderful, things I love seeing other people wear. In another life or another lifestyle, I might have included them. But I trimmed them away because I was trying to create something cohesive, clear, and bold that would work for me with longevity.

With a Pinterest board, you can throw things on there without spending money or cluttering your house. You can let things marinate. You can revisit and make informed decisions over time about whether those silhouettes, fabrics, or colors really belong in your personal style.

Step 3: Experiment With Clear Direction

I did experiment when I was younger. Experimenting was ALL I did. But I was just buying things one at a time that appealed to me, hoping to stumble my way into a personal style. Since I wasn’t sorting beforehand – wasn’t deciding which particular kind of delight I wanted – I talked myself into trying anything that remotely caught my eye.

The result? Things didn’t work together. Things didn’t fit my constraints. Too formal for my casual lifestyle. Needed dry cleaning I couldn’t afford. Showed underarm sweat. Sat in my closet unworn because they weren’t quite comfortable enough. So much waste.

What I do now: I go through my Pinterest board and think things like “I’ve never had an all-white outfit – crisp white pants, crisp white top. That totally fits my style. If I find them in natural fibers that wash at home, and they’re white so no sweat showing, and they’re loose enough to be comfortable… that fits all my constraints.” Then I keep a loose eye out for pieces that match that vision.

That kind of shopping – with a clear direction in mind – has scored me my most wonderful, most-worn pieces. It’s how I built a sustainable wardrobe of things I wear season after season that don’t get old or fall apart.

One more thing: try stuff on in stores whenever possible. When you’re figuring out your style, online shopping can tip you into keeping things you wouldn’t have bought in person. You order something to see if that silhouette works, it arrives not quite right, you dither, and then you keep it because returning feels like effort. In-store try-ons eliminate that trap.

And finally: be bold. If your inspiration board has a strong point of view that feels slightly aspirational – like you’d love to dress that way but it seems out of reach – go for it anyway. As long as it aligns with your constraints, you can leap the gap. That’s what it feels like to craft a personal style: getting yourself to the edge and asking “can that really be me?” Step three is experimenting with the answer being yes.

What I Wish I’d Known

Nobody ever told me you could build a personal style thoughtfully and systematically. Nobody said you could take the bull by the horns and use your brain AND your feelings AND your sense of beauty to actively create something instead of just bumbling along hoping it would eventually emerge.

It would have saved me so much time, money, and honestly – so many awkward outfits. I hope this helps you skip some of that.